Summer of My Discontent

This was a very difficulty poem to write. I wanted to show contradiction(s) in my life. To show I wish things were different but at the same time to offer hope for the future. It was also difficult because I wasn't sure how to analyze this part of my life. I can look back at my "Spring" and write about that from a reminiscent point of view. I can look to my future "Autumn" and "Winter" and try to imagine what it will be like. But to write about my "Summer," a "season" of here and now and yet still happening and not just a quick point in time...well, that was hard. I personally found it difficult and as a result I'm not too happy with this poem. But still...it needs to remain as it is.

Like I wrote earlier, who knows how I'll look back at these times in my life in the future. Makes me just wonder.

As I said, I'm not really happy with this poem but I'm standing by it. Two reasons:

A) I want to see how I change my outlook to this part of my life when I'm older. So, whether I like this or not...I sort of have to stick with it.
B) I didn't feel like I could go on and write about my "Autumn" or "Winter" without crossing this river, so to speak.

Summer of My Discontent

I've spread my arms to reach the stars,
I've spread my drams to cover my life.
Grown strong from the help of many,
grown weak from my pride and ego.
The light of the sun has warmed my face,
has allowed me to stand fest in my hopes.
The rains have watered me, the winds have strengthened me;
grown harder to take on life's next storm,
self protected in cynicism where honesty recognize I not.
Tall I've grown in ways I've never knew
small I remain in ways, to admit I refuse.
My days have been long
--what do I have to show? To share?
My nights have been short
--What have I wasted away?

My days grow ever shorter, for seasons do change.
My life's days passing by, for life's seasons for no man do wait.
Now my days grow shorter, cooler winds prevail,
my shadow stretches long, yet how far I must ask.
I stand here--somewhere--anywhere;
rooted and uprooted and planted and replanted.
I stand here strong, I stand here weak.
Many plans withered, many dreams torn away.
So much I've given away, so much just given up.
Yet stand I still, for better for worse.
Stand I yet, though the expected not the norm.
Summer days disappearing into Autumn's nights,
the changing of the seasons, the changes in my life.
Not where I hoped, not how I dreamed;
yet growing still do I remain.
Life's coming storms to survive.
Life's unexpected to expect.

Man, I'm Old.

My friend Lisa told me I had to write something on the blog that was "happy." She must be a mom. "Stop arguing. Be nice. Write something happy." Yes ma'am. I feel grounded.

Well I took my kids to KFC tonight and KFC had some TVs running with old videos on them. Nothing like a little Luther Vandross and extra crispy chicken!!!! Well, "Summer Night City" from ABBA came on.

My daughter said, "I know them. They have really funky outfits."

I said, "Yeah...ABBA was the first group I really liked. They were the first band whose record I bought."

Not missing a beat...both kids: "What are records?"

Well, that's not really "happy" but, although it means I'm old, it's sort of funny. I hope this suffices the "happy" seeking moms out there.

Did You Look Me In The Eyes

I wasn't planning on writing something like this. It just sort of came to me. Hit me out of the blue. A subtle, yet vicious, blast from the recent past.

I posted a few months ago about a friend of mine trying to raise awareness for child sex slavery and trying to stop it. Yes, I realize this is a horrible topic and, as a parent, literally scares the crap out of me. My mother once told me when I was a child that if anyone ever "touched" me she would kill them. You have to realize my mom is not a very intimidating person. And I never really understood her...until I had kids. Just the idea of my children being molested or raped will probably mean there will be one less person on this planet and I'll be serving time (of course, I'd wait till the perv got out of prison--I would want him to truly have justice served).

And yet...child molestation...let's call it like it is: child rape happens all the time and many people are profiting from this "trade" financially.

This youtube clip tackles this problem: The Story of Love 146. (Just type this in on youtube...warning: very disturbing. Nothing explicit...but if this video doesn't disturb you...I really don't know what to say if that's the case). It's the story of a little girl who was labled 146. She didn't even have the dignity of keeping her name.

Men come to these child sex warehouses and order the boys and girls like ordering from a freakin' value meal.

The thing that the narrator says stuck with him was the fire in the eyes of this little girl. She hadn't given up hope yet. Yet.

I hope you check out this video. I hope you help do something about this problem.

This poem is written for Love 146 and the thousands of other children forced into child sex slavery.

I hope you are disturbed.

Did You Look Me In The Eyes

Did you look me in the eyes?
when you came to seek me out?
when you came to find me?

Did you look me in the eyes?
when you came to buy my body?
when you came to sell your soul?

Did you look me in the eyes?
when you touched my body?
when you stole my innocence?

Did you look me in the eyes?
when you raped me of more than my youth?
when you slipped yourself inside me?

Did you look me in the eyes?
and see my fear?
see my hopelessness?

Did you look me in the eyes?
and still see the fire in me,
see revenge burning from my soul?

Did you look me in the eyes?
and see my broken heart?
or see my life destroyed?

Did you look me in the eyes?
and never feel an ounce of guilt
when you forced yourself on me?

Did you look me in the eyes?
when you brought me back
to be rented and raped by another like you?

Did you look me in the eyes?
then take a closer look
and see your mother, your sister, your daughter.

I’ll remember the look in your eyes
when I’m looking down on you
as you’re burning in Hell.

Season's Greetings???

It’s been a while since I just sat down and wrote a poem. Although I’ve had some ideas swimming in my brain. Most have drowned. I’ve been spending so much time on my latest book (not so subtle message arriving…wait…wait…one more second…BUY IT WHEN IT COMES OUT!!!) that I haven’t been thinking about just writing something small. But today I did.

It’s the middle of Autumn now and the trees are starting to lose their beautiful colors. It’s been an amazing Autumn here in Germany. For some reason the trees were speaking to me this particular year. Um, no, I haven’t been eating any magic mushrooms, nor am I on a Lord of the Rings kick.

It’s just that I was thinking about how beautiful and colorful the trees are. No longer “strong” in the sense of Summer, and not yet dead in their wintery sleep. This got me thinking about my life and how, although I’m not necessarily “strong” I’m definitely leaving the "Summer" of my life entering into the "Autumn" of my life. And I was thinking about how all kinds of men of God seemed to do great things as they entered the “middle-age” part of their lives.

When we’re young and in the “Spring” of our lives, we’re growing, green, clue-less. Dependent on so many people—who can help us grow or die without us even being aware of their influence. Then we enter the “Summer” of our lives and we live for our ego. Plan, grow, invest, harvest, save, climb, plant, re-plan, re-evaluate, advance, hire, fire. Rinse, lather, repeat. And somewhere in there the dream-live-experiment-try-wonder phases of our lives seem to disappear. Sad.

At least that’s how I feel at times.

I'm just hoping I'm strong enough still to make sure that the color of my "Autumn" is brighter than I can imagine and that, though my leaves may fall, they scatter everywhere...leaving a (hopefully) positive, colorful influence everywhere the winds blow. And when I'm dead, then you can burn my leaves and the scent of my life will rise to the heavens and all passerby's will smell the smoke on crisp Autumn days.

Anyway...

I decided to write four poems. Each one dealing with the particular “seasons” of my life. And I want to do this every four or six or seven or what-ever-how-ever-many-years. I want to see how my thoughts change about the certain “seasons” of my life as I get older. I wrote the first today. I’ll continue to write the next three over the next few days and slowly post them.

I’m also interested to see how the style of each poem evolves. Will I write longer for the “warmer” months? Will winter be cold and short (I think so). Will my style change as I get older. Will I avoid getting older by using Oil of Olay?

Maybe I’ll never broach this subject again. Out of fear, perhaps. Maybe I’ll have completely different thoughts in 10, 20, 40 years from now. Maybe my ashes will be dissolving in the ocean by then. We’ll see.

Remembering Spring (38)

The rains came

tho’ I knew not why.

To grow, to shine,

to become more than just a boy.

So much my eyes did see,

so much I can’t recall.

What in my heart remained,

to someday understand it all?

As I look back in time

so fragile, weak and young.

Every person, every influence

me to shape, me to mold.

Innocence pure was I not,

yet full wonder, lust for life.

Where to grow, someday roam

answers, questions, future, promise.

Looking back, so much lost

in memories of childhood.

Remembering every tiny task impossible,

wonderment still that I grew.

With every year passing

memories vanish like vapors.

Reality, I fear to grasp, is

the spring of my life fading into shadows.

Get Your Motor Runnin'

Ok, this is FANtastic. This is definitely something I want to be a part of in the future.

http://liveshots.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/10/21/french-fried-fuel-powers-school-buses/?test=latestnews

WHY I'm "going green"

Going Green or being Enivornmentally Correct or being a Tree Hugger might be the "in" thing. It might be a "good" thing. It might be "politically correct." There are many reasons to be concerned with the safety/well-being of our planet.

Saving whales. Saving the rain forest. Having a place for our children and their children and their children and their... Leaving a smaller "footprint."

But I have a different reason. Don't get me wrong. All the above reasons are good. They are, for me, however, side-effects, if you will.

I'm "going green" because I'm a Christian.

Hmmm...the skeptic raises his eyebrows. The non-Christian thinks "good deed" thoughts. The conservative Christian says, "stupid...someday we'll be getting a new earth anyway so whatever we do now doesn't matter." I disagree.

Let me explain.

In Genesis, God told Adam and Eve to take care of his Garden (Genesis 1: 26, 28). Now, without being too theological or symbolic, one could argue (or should argue) that God instructed Adam and Eve and, thus, mankind, to take care of this planet.

Psalm 24 says, The earth is the Lord's and all that is in it. Now, if you're not a Christian you can always say, "whatever." But as a Christian, it should be our job to help take care of what is God's. Why?

Because God is coming back someday. Most Christian agree on this point. But let's look at this jsut a bit further.

In the book of Matthew alone (chapters 21, 22, 24 and twice in 25) Jesus tells stories about the Kingdom of God and how it's like a landowner coming back to his farm/winery and checking things out. And the returning landowner wants to see if his "employees" have done their job--taking care of his land--while he's been gone.

The first question is: are we taking these analogies seriously? The second question is: if we are taking our jobs seriously?

If God came back today I'm not sure he'd be too jazzed about how his backyard looks.

But here's the good news...in Acts 3 and in Romans (chapters 8 and 21) we read about the earth being "re-newed." So...there's hope that the damage that has been done (escpecially by developed countries) can be reversed. The crap that we've done to this earth (CO2 emitions, Valdez, water pollution in rivers, deforestation, melting of ice caps to name a few) can be fixed. We can re-new the damages we've done.

And finally we can read in Isaiah 65 and in the New Testament (2 Peter 3, Revelation 21) that someday we'll have a new Heaven and new Earth.

Now, does that mean God is going to erase everything and destroy everything and start over and put us back into "perfection?" Maybe. It could also mean that God is going to "re-new" everything...and through this process of renewal we'll eventually end up back in perfection...with God sitting on his throne and finally being jazzed about his newly renovated back yard.

I'm a Christian...and that's why I take topics, such as Climate Change, seriously. And if by me serving God by tending to his garden I can save whales, hug a tree, clean up some water, and leave a better planet for my children and their children, then that's cool.

Impoverished

I wrote this poem after reading an article about a taxi driver-photographer from Turkey. The few photos that I saw were absolutely penetrating. I have been thinking about his pics plus one quote he had in the article.

I've been sitting on this for about a week. It's been haunting me.

"If all the money is controlled by a few monopolies, I believe it shows a country's poverty, not it's wealth."
--Sevket Sahintas, Turkish cab driver/photographer

"...just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me."
--Jesus

Impoverished

High rises, rising high
sun rises, suns sets
on cities which never sleep
wealth and fame
measures that shape
legacies of emptiness
inheritance of selfishness

If you've listened to what I've said
if you've listened to what I've done
we woudn't have to be here
watching a child sell herself for bread
we wouldn't have to leave here
praying to God not to be next

Hungry child, hunger pains
dreams die, hearts break
starving children sell themselves
greed plus more
success it's called
closing eyes of blindness
bystander sans innocence

If we'd just liste to what you're saying
if we'd just listen to you're pleading
we wouldn't still be stuck here
so many starving before they're dead
we wouldn't still be blinded
by greed and lust for more

Money makers, making cash
another day, another way
to turn my eyes from poverty
wealth and ego
the shame I wear
reeks of my arrogance
screams of my soullessness

Ride for the Environment

I stole all this information. I make no apologies. It’s for a good cause. I’m like Robin Hood of the blogging world.

Any reader of my blog knows I love cycling. I love the speeds you can get while churning your legs. I love the burning in your calves when you’re climbing a 15% incline. I love hanging out with a bunch of guys on two wheels…I love almost everything about cycling. Butt cramps, not so much.

The benefits of cycling are mindboggling. Honestly, if most people would just look at the beneifits they would be completely surprised to see how many benefits cycling offers: physically, cconomically, and ecologically. Heck, I was surprised at how far the benefits ride (pardon the pun) and I cycle.

But here's the catch. The benefits only happen IF we make the benefits happen. IF we would all start cycling when we can. I’m not saying that we all need to become the next Lance Armstrong or Lon Hondelman. I'm just saying when we start changing our lifestyle just a little bit and start cycling when we can...like the small trips.

Do you realize that if we would start doing our local errands by bike instead of by car we’d reduce our health risks, we would get in better shape, we would prevent potential diseases. Not only that, but we’d save money on the following: health insurance, car insurance, gas, wear and tear on our cars. What’s not to love!?

AND…we’d helping in saving our environment. Again…what’s not to love about cycling—when we can—instead of getting in the car?

Here is the website where I got this information: http://croftonbikedoctor.com/page.cfm?pageID=285

I recommend reading the whole article since it also discusses personal health advantages. But for the sake of today’s post/theme, let’s stick with the environmental benefits of cycling.

Ride for the Environment

Motor vehicle emissions represent 31 percent of total carbon dioxide, 81 percent of carbon monoxide, and 49 percent of nitrogen oxides released in the U.S. (The Green Commuter, a publication of the Clean Air Council). A short, four-mile round trip by bicycle keeps about 15 pounds of pollutants out of the air we breathe. (WorldWatch Institute).

According to the Nationwide Personal Transportation Survey, 25 percent of all trips are made within a mile of the home, 40 percent of all trips are within two miles of the home, and 50 percent of the working population commutes five miles or less to work. Yet more than 82 percent of trips five miles or less are made by personal motor vehicle.

60 percent of the pollution created by automobile emissions happens in the first few minutes of operation, before pollution control devices can work effectively. Since "cold starts" create high levels of emissions, shorter car trips are more polluting on a per-mile basis than longer trips.

Michael Oppenheimer, the chief scientist at Environmental Defense, said, "If you reduced carbon dioxide, you'd begin to get rid of most of the stuff that causes these everyday respiratory problems. You'd start to get rid of the nitrogen oxides, which lead to the generation of smog. You'd start to get rid of sulfur dioxide, which leads not only to acid rain but to the tiny particles that people breathe, and which cause respiratory and cardiovascular problems."

Motor vehicle emissions represent 31 percent of total carbon dioxide, 81 percent of carbon monoxide, and 49 percent of nitrogen oxides released in the U.S. (The Green Commuter, a publication of the Clean Air Council). Short car trips (over distances that could easily be bicycled) are much more polluting than longer trips on a per-mile basis because 60 percent of the pollution resulting from auto emissions is released during the first few minutes of operation of a vehicle.

Bicycles are solely human-powered and use no fossil fuels. Bicycles currently displace over 238 million gallons of gasoline per year, by replacing car trips with bicycle trips.

Bicycles cost far less than automobiles to purchase and maintain, and do not require a continual intake of increasingly expensive gasoline. Between six and twenty bicycles can be parked in the space a motor vehicle requires for parking. Bicycles also cause little, if any, wear and tear on roadways.

Adult Conversations

Today was a big day for me. I'm not sure if I should run and hide, cry, buy a gun, or just laugh. Either way...it's just absolutely amazing what we can learn from our kids.

These are two conversations I had with my daughter today. She is 12. And I am...well, old.

"We learned about a girl's period today in school."

Me: trying to allow the "Dad Filter" to focus on period and school and pray that she meant something about first period of school and not mean what she meant...this is beginning poorly.
"Um...what?!"

"You know about a woman's period, right?"

"Mm-hmm" trying to remember what chapter in The Official Daddy Manual this was covered in.

"Well, we learned about that today. We even got a tampon. Look!" Raising up her new show and tell toy.

Trying not to laugh..."Oh, well, um, yeah, that's a tampon all right."

"We have to push that in [us] when we start to bleed."

"Aaahhhh...ooohhhh. Hmmm." Feeling my head heat up as I'm about to pass out from this conversation.

In the meantime my son is laughing, because, well he's 9 and finds these things funny. He's not a dad yet.

"And do you know what the string is for?"

Thinking "I have a pretty good idea," I'm unable to answer, for my daughter-becoming-a-woman interrupts me.

"It's in case the tampon gets stuck."

I'm a dad...but I sort figured that one out.

In a related story...

About an hour later...after I figured the coast was clear and I could speak again without the fear of any sort of Grandparent's Revenge (which pretty much includes any and all interactions with your teen-age child) invading the moment, I decided to compliment my daughter on her new hair-do.

"Your hair looks nice." Then realizing there might be a reason (read: BOY) for why she's looking pretty, I ask, "Sssooo...what's his name? Who did you do your hair-do for?"

"Dad." Said, in the way that proves all parents have no idea what they're talking about. "I'm in puberty. I just wanted to look nice."

Oh. Ok. Well then.