I was recently at a funeral. It was--as funerals are wont to be--a sad event. But the saddest part for me was watching one of the sons of the deceased mourn.
Most people mourn their loved one’s deaths. Especially immediate family. And that is how it should be. But this was different.
The guy had put up a brave front--for lack of better term--the entire weekend of the funeral. He hadn’t shed a tear for anyone to see. He was one of a handful of children that the man had and they were all there to celebrate their father’s life and mourn his death. All of the children had made arrangements to be there.
This one son, however, was different. He had to have the arrangements made for him. He was in no position to make any decisions about his daily routine. He was freed from jail to attend his father’s funeral. He was able to live a “normal life” in 18 hour shifts. He was free...yet he wasn’t free.
What made me cry the most that weekend, what depressed me the most, was the dynamic between this man and his deceased father. The last thing his father will have seen of his son is that his son was behind bars, the last time the son will have seen his dad would have been in a jail visiting room.
The wake came and went. The funeral took place. And we started to leave. Then he stood there grieving. Unable to say “sorry.” Unable to re-right the wrongs...at least during his father’s lifetime. Unable to go back home that night and mourn. Instead, he had to go back to his cell and contemplate what could have been.
And that is when I mourned the most.
Tears of the Incarcerated
He stood there trembling
tears streaming
chest heaving
his eyes were closed in shame
his hand on the casket
of his father now dead
no more chances to change his life
no more words that could be said
a man stood there broken
a life behind bars
too late--
to prove his father otherwise
He stood there unconsoled
In his brothers’ arms
In his sister’s grasp
his life still in a cage
His hand on the casket
of his father now dead
one last chance to say good-bye
one last chance to say he tired
a man freed fora time
a life behind bars
too late--
to prove his father otherwise.
1 comments:
Was just re-reading this, then, when I got to the end, I noticed with surprise that there were no comments. Perhaps bc others reacted/responded to it as I initially did--in a personal message. But I just want to say--here--you so vividly and soulfully captured the situation and, thus, once again, showed the incredible depth of *your* soul. And I am thankful for that. And I'm sure your family appreciates it as well.
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